Friday, October 12, 2012

FEST! FEST! FEST!

YOU GUYS! IT'S ALMOST TIME! I'm a little excited. I can almost smell the warm, inviting, mouth-watering aroma of Flaco's as it mingles with the reek of sweat, beer, and fun. Just like last year, here are my picks for the weekend. The major bands are obvious, so I'd like to draw your attention to some of the lesser-known folks that are, for me, the gems of Fest.

First, these are the bands I will always see, even though I've seen them a bajillion times before:
- Cheap Girls (one of my consistent favorites of the last five years or so.)
- Coffee Project
- The Fake Boys
- Frank Turner
- Greenland Is Melting
- Mikey Erg (and all of the bands he's in: Off With Their Heads, House Boat, Now People, etc.)
- Paul Baribeau
- Pretty Boy Thorson (& the Fallen Angels, The Slow Death)
- Streetlight Manifesto
- Toys That Kill

I'm looking forward to seeing these guys for the first time:
- Bridge and Tunnel (I managed to miss them twice last year. It won't happen again.)
- Dear Landlord
- Good Riddance (Holy nostalgia!!)
- The Holy Mess
- House Boat (I listened to these guys so much that I had to take a break from them for awhile. It didn't last long. I will be there FOR SURE.)
- Laura Stevenson & the Cans
- Luther
- Make Do and Mend
- Mean Jeans
- Naked Raygun
- Sundials (I recently got their record as part of my Asian Man Records membership, and it's great!)

And make sure you don't miss these:
- Arliss Nancy (new friends of mine; awesome band, good people)
- The Arteries
- Big Eyes
- Nato Coles & the Blue Diamond Band
- RVIVR (Holy. Shit.)
- The Wild

And finally, my buddies/hometown bands (go see them!):
- Criminal Culture
- Dukes of Hillsborough
- Go Rydell
- How Dare You
- New Bruises
- Nothing In the Dark
- The Tim Version
- Too Many Daves
- Wet Nurse (They're Fest virgins, so make them feel welcome.)

Well, I think that's it! See you all at the happiest place on earth (downtown Gainesville, oddly enough.)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Gay is Okay, Moral Totalitarianism is Not.

What is it that makes people think that they know what's best for everyone else? I think about it in terms of the elementary school tattletale. It's the kid who assumes the role of Second in Command, the one who constantly tells the teacher who's doing what, based solely on indicators of right and wrong provided by the teacher (or parents), without any real personal connection or investment in the act itself. The phrase 'MYOB' would generally stifle the tattler back in elementary school, but that doesn't seem to be working now. Is the voting public really populated by so many tattletale personalities? This question leads to another: WHY ARE WE VOTING ON THIS ANYWAY? At heart, it's an issue of morality, not a social issue. Basically, if you didn't already think being gay was wrong, you wouldn't give a shit whether or not gay folks could get married.

And let's face it: Marriage hasn't ever been sacred. With the way it's abused by heterosexual people, what exactly are we trying to preserve? The right to have long drawn out legal battles for property and children? The right to get married and divorced within months, or sometimes days? The right to pay the government money for a marriage certificate? Come on. The bottom line is that you can't stop gay people from loving each other and being in relationships that are like marriages in every way (except the legal one). They're not going to disappear, or stop holding hands in public, or sleep in separate beds, or any of that. Banning gay marriage does not ban being gay, silly.

Finally, on a little bit deeper level, why do you care so much about what other people, people that you will never once cross paths with in your life, are doing? Why do people take such a vested interest in things that don't affect them, while often ignoring the things that do? As Jay-Z so eloquently put it, "What you eat don't make me shit." So MYOB!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why (some) People Suck

(This post is fueled by the robbery of some pretty cool, hard-working people in a land far, far away. If you feel the urge to do a good deed today, go here: http://themenzingers.tumblr.com/)

The overall obliviousness of people really honks me off. From the person who parks their shopping cart diagonally across one aisle while shopping in another, to the person who walks up to the bar and spits out an order even though there are ten other people waiting, they all suck (as a bartender, there is no worse customer than one who thinks he/she is the only person in the room). So, is it a genuine unawareness of the people around you? Do you literally think you're the only person in the room? Or is it a sense of self-importance? I have to wonder what, in a person's psyche, determines how important they think they are. I'm not talking about external forces like fame and money here. There are rich folks who are humble, and broke-ass fools who have egos the size of entire planets. What is it that makes someone butt people in line, cut people off in traffic, take things that aren't theirs, and harm other people for personal gain? It seems to be not only a sense of self-importance, but also a devaluation of the importance of others.

As a (fairly) normal person, I cannot possibly fathom stealing anything from someone else. I can't picture myself breaking into someone's car, smashing out a window, or vandalizing someone else's stuff in any other way. Any thought of violence or vandalism or harm immediately triggers the reflection, "what if that happened to me?", or in some cases, "remember how it felt when that happened to me?" It's human compassion. Now, by no means am I a bleeding heart, but I know what it's like to work hard for the things I have and, generally speaking, I like other humans. I don't want to negatively impact anyone else's life, and when possible, I try to improve the world around me. The more I think about it, I realize my upbringing in the Girl Scouts has a lot to do with that. So, to all the people who made fun of me over the years for wearing that silly uniform everywhere, suck it. I'm a well-adjusted and compassionate human, and you're all out robbing people and being jerks in bars.

Of course, my ultimate wish is that everyone would just be nice to each other. It's a stretch, I know. The vast majority of us are just trying to get through life without complete and utter failure. Remember that we're all traveling toward the same end, and for fuck's sake, stop stepping over each other to get there.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The way you drive says a lot about your personality, asshole.

Allow me to break it down.

Turn Signal Usage - When we consider the time and energy it takes to operate a turn signal (one second, one fingertip), it seems asinine not to use one. Why wouldn't you want to alert the drivers around you that you're about to careen across three lanes of traffic, or that you're going to come to a complete stop in the middle of the road to make a turn? Signaling allows other vehicles to get ready to react to whatever stupid crazy shit you're about to pull. I break turn signal usage down into three categories: 1) Always signals - Thank you, goody two-shoes, for making the roads a tiny bit safer. I say 'tiny bit' because there are maybe ten people in the city of Tampa (pop. 335,709 in 2010) that fall into this category. 2) Signals inconsistently or late - If you're already making the turn/changing lanes/braking when you signal, it doesn't count, dipshit. The turn signal is supposed to be a PRE-cursor to your action. 3) Never signals - You are lazy, inconsiderate, and probably socially retarded to a certain extent.

Traffic Signal/Sign Behavior - Just to be clear, stop signs are for EVERYONE. This a major issue in my neighborhood of Ybor Heights, which sucks because I ride my bike pretty often. The general consensus seems to be that vehicles with rims over 20" don't have to obey stop signs. I would like to dispel that rumor and reiterate that traffic lights and signs are for EVERYONE, regardless the size of your rims. Personality traits of signal and sign ignorers include selfishness, egomania, obliviousness, and buttheadedness.

Texting/Talking While Driving - PUT THE FUCKING PHONE DOWN AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD. That is all I have to say about that.

Interstate Driving Behavior - The interstate is one type of road that tends to bring out the worst in people. Say it with me: "Left lane, fast lane. Right lane, slow lane." With that being said, if you're barreling down the road twenty miles over the speed limit, don't get pissy when you eventually have to slow down, even in the left lane. On the same note, it's best just to go with the flow of traffic. Trying to go 80 when everyone else is going 70 is dumb, and makes you a self-important jerkface. Wherever you're going can't be that important, and if it is, maybe you should have left earlier.

Pedestrians/Cyclists - This one's a two-parter. First, for the pedestrians and cyclists: Ride/walk WITH the traffic, not against it. The objective is for vehicles to be able to see you, silly. Obey traffic signals and use crosswalks. Put lights on your bike, no one can see your wimpy reflector in the dark. And for Pete's sake, don't wear all black at night. Ride/walk defensively. Don't expect cars to see you or yield to you, because a lot of them won't. Second, for the vehicles - Yield, ya jerks! Are you really so inconsiderate that you actually want to hit a person with your car? If you see a bike lane on the side of the road, don't drive your car in it! (This is often caused by inattention, please see my point about texting/talking while driving above.) If there isn't a bike lane, bikes may still ride on the right side of the road, with vehicle traffic. Don't yell at them to "get on the sidewalk, you idiot."

The bottom line here is that if everyone just chilled out a little, paid attention, and was considerate of others, I wouldn't have to flip so many people off in traffic.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I Promise, the Next Time We Talk, I'll Have It All Figured Out.

I'm still not sure what I want to be when, and assuming, I grow up. I've been a lot of things so far: receptionist, file clerk, retail worker, call center monkey, insurance agent, maid, doorperson, waitress, manager, bartender, cook. I wouldn't call any of these jobs a career, and as I approach my mid-30s, I'm pretty sure I missed the boat on picking a lifelong occupation. This realization has put me in something of an existential crisis. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, MAN?!

I notice that I, and probably everyone else, tend to identify people by what their occupation is. "This is so-and-so, she's a bartender." "This is what's-his-nuts, he's a lawyer." A little self-reflection made me wonder how people identify me, and more importantly, how I identify myself. I feel under-accomplished for my age. I spent most of my 20s in a relationship that consumed me, during which time I affected little self-development aside from half-hearted attempts at getting a college degree (only two semesters to go, still, plus all that debt). Now, having been single for three years, I feel like I'm finally coming out of my relationship-mourning-party-animal phase and into my figuring-out-my-identity-for-the-first-time-ever phase. I'm writing again and working on art projects (albeit slowly), activities I haven't given much attention to since high school. For the first time, I work at a place where my true personality is considered an asset. I ride my bike more than I drive my car. All of these things are moving me in a positive direction.

However, I can't seem to stop comparing myself to the traditional picture of success: a high-paying, lifelong career, health insurance, savings and investments, a family, some property, etc. I possess none of these, and sometimes it makes me panic. I worry about my health and my future, and about being old alone. I worry about my mom worrying about me. I worry that I've missed the boat on achieving anything significant with my life. I wonder if I'll ever really get my shit together.

Here's the kicker: even people who have all the elements of 'traditional' success worry about the same things. Their world could fall apart just as easily as mine could. Life is a series of crazy shit happening to people, and whether we sink or swim depends on how we deal with all of it. I'd like to think that, with all the crazy shit I've experienced in my lifetime, I remain mostly stable and mostly happy, if a little jaded and sarcastic. I keep one quote from my mom in mind, "Remember that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone out there always has it worse than you." I credit that statement for keeping both my ego and my attitude in check, even though I hated hearing it sometimes.

I guess the moral of the story is that whenever I get down on myself for not having all the traditional elements of success, it helps to remember that everyone else's life sucks too, generally speaking. For now, I'll just identify myself as a bartender/pizza maker/artist/writer/music afficionado, and keep on living. L-I-V-I-N.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My Unsolicited Opinion on...

This year's Fest lineup!

Ahh, the smell of Fest is in the air. Oh wait, that's just the aroma of spilled PBR on a puddle of sweat and excitement on my front porch. This is the time of year when Gainesville hotels open up their schedule for October, and when the official (albeit subject to change) lineup is released. This is when the buzz starts, and when I start making my lists.

Bands I've never seen live that I'm really stoked about:

  • Naked Raygun!!
  • Braid
  • Make Do and Mend- I got End Measured Mile a couple months ago, and it's a seriously solid record.
  • Luther- I haven't listened to them in-depth, but whoever runs their Twitter account is funny as shit!
  • Reverse the Curse- I missed them last year, and heard all about how rad they are.
  • Bridge and Tunnel- Same as above.
  • Banner Pilot - I tried to see them twice last year, and missed them both times.

Bands I was introduced to last year that I want to see again:

  • Big Eyes - I saw them in Orlando a few months ago, but the sound in that place was awful.
  • Nato Coles & the Blue Diamond Band - Coles is a bunch of fun to watch on stage, a true rock personality comes out in him.
  • RVIVR - Holy shit dude! I saw them by accident and they blew me away!
  • The Wild - I can only imagine what these kids could pull off with an ample recording budget. There are so many layers to their sound, and I really dig their overall message: PMA.
  • Algernon Cadwallader - I only saw them at Pre-Fest last year, so I definitely need to catch their full set this year. 
  • Pretty Boy Thorson & the Fallen Angels- I don't know how they escaped my radar for so long, but I'll never miss them again.
  • Unfun- Oh wait, they're not playing this year. SUPER SAD FACE.

Bands I've seen a few times before that I want to see again anyways:


  • Coffee Project - I hope they play Empty Bottles of Foxhorn. And Oh Sweet Pickle.
  • Cheap Girls - I finally sat down and listened to Giant Orange...three times in a row. So rad! I really love their sound, and they've been in my regular rotation since the first record. I can't say enough about them.
  • Grabass Charlestons - Duh.
  •  Mikey Erg - My musical crush. I wonder how many bands he's playing in this year.
  • Off With Their Heads - I'll always see these guys if they're playing near me. Fun to watch, solid anthem-y punk, great sense of humor.


Finally, my homeys that are playing this year:


  • Go Rydell - These guys crash my place whenever they're in Tampa, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Good dudes, good music, good times.
  • How Dare You - I'm so glad they're playing again! However, if I could make one humble request to the Fest Powers-That-Be, it would be to place them at Durty Nelly's. Their sound is so rich, it was way more than the Laboratory's PA could handle last year.
  • New Bruises - Always a party! They also make the best shirts.
  • Too Many Daves - So. Many. Daves.


All in all, I'm really excited about this year's lineup. There are a lot of names I don't recognize, so I've got some research to do before October. Man, I really hope @JADEDPUNKHULK shows up. I don't know who he is, but his tweets make me laugh my ass off every single day. I'm also looking forward to eating nothing but Flaco's for the whole weekend. Now I'm off to wait (im)paitently for the next six months.

P.S.: If you want to read my thoughts on last year's Fest, go here: https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150273227847706

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ten Albums That Take Me Waaaaay Back

1) Rancid: ...And Out Come the Wolves (1995) - Man, I thought I was the coolest, punkest kid ever because I had this album. It reminds me of my senior year in high school, and moving from south Tampa to Lutz (which was still the sticks back then). It was the year I shaved my head for the first time. This album compelled me to take bass lessons, and I blasted it everywhere I went (after transferring it from CD to tape so I could play it in my car).

2) Toadies: Rubberneck (1994) - This is from the same era of my life. There was a period where I saw the Toadies like five times in two months, and I was super stoked they had a chick bass player. I'll probably catch hell for saying this, but that album was punk fucking rock...aside from the two or three songs that became hits. Happy Face was my anthem for awhile, and to this day, Mister Love makes me drum furiously on whatever is around me. I never really cared for any of their other releases, but Rubberneck was rad.

3) Eels: Beautiful Freak (1996) - This was my first exposure to what has become one of my all-time favorite bands. I got into them because of that one college radio hit they had, Novocaine For the Soul, but I fell in love with the album because of Flower. Simple, sweet, sad but hopeful. Mark Oliver Everett is one of my favorite lyricists. Reading his memoir, Things the Grandchildren Should Know, gave me a lot of insight into his music. Go get that book right now, you can finish reading this later.

4) Built to Spill: The Normal Years (1996) - My friend Manny introduced me to this album when we were taking some classes together at HCC. We thought they sounded like Jane's Addiction.  Shortly after, I discovered There's Nothing Wrong With Love (1994) and fell head over heels for Built to Spill. I'm still very much in love with them. Their sound has changed significantly over the span of eight albums, and it's all amazing. On the early albums, I love the simplicity; on the later ones, the complexity and different layers of sound. Doug Martsch's voice is damn near angelic, and he uses it expertly. His lyrics are relatable even when they're totally abstract.

5) Smoking Popes: Get Fired (1993) - I didn't discover this band or album until 1996, when my college dorm roommate's friend gave her this CD. We listened to it all day, every day for months. We danced around the room. We forced everyone in the dorm to listen to it. We did air band to it, and we may or may not have made a video. Man, this album rules. I have followed Smoking Popes closely since then, and they just get better and better. I finally saw them live at New World Brewery last May, and it was one of the best shows EVER! Super high energy, perfect mix of old/new stuff, really interactive with the crowd...I could go on for days. Seriously.

6) Counting Crows: August and Everything After (1993) - Fact: Counting Crows was ruined for millions of people by the incessant bombardment of Mr. Jones upon their ears. To this day, I cannot listen to that song. However, I listened to this CD quite a bit my sophomore year in high school. Perfect Blue Buildings, dude. Perfect Blue Buildings.

7) They Might Be Giants: Flood (1990) - My first memory of this album was on a road trip with Girl Scouts, my friend Amanda and I singing along at the top of our lungs, and our Girl Scout leaders looking at us like we each had three heads. Flood really is a timeless classic. You can buy a blue canary nightlight from Think Geek. (My birthday is July 26th, by the way.) This album made it cool to be weird, and led to the Dead Milkmen for me.

8) Van Morrison: Moondance (1970) - I found this one in 6th grade. I went into a record shop in Hyde Park (it may have been Tape World, haha. Remember that place?) looking for Brown Eyed Girl, which at the time, I thought was by Jimmy Buffett (we can blame my dad for that, 90% of his records were Buffett). The guy there set me straight, and I walked out with Moondance and a Van Morrison greatest hits album. Over the years, I've often wished I could go back and thank that guy. So if you worked at Tape World in Hyde Park in 1990, thanks dude. You changed my life.

9) Pixies: Come On Pilgrim (1987) - I think I was in 9th grade when I got this album. Looking back, it was probably one of my first exposures to non-mainstream music. It was a big hit within my clique of nerdy drama class/chorus kids. Caribou pops into my head randomly every once in a while, and it always makes me chuckle. Caribooooooooouuuuuuu!

10) NOFx: Punk in Drublic (1994) - One of my early exposures to punk, I was addicted to this album for a long time. At one point, I could have recited the entire thing front to back. I feel like it's one of the fundamentals that everyone should own. Listening to them exposed me to tons of other bands, and was pretty much the start of my lifelong love for punk rock.